Meet the Fuktards...

Stanley & Shirley were going out for a ride. Kevin K., who lives across the street from them, saw them saddling up, went over to see where they were going. I heard the rumble coming from their garage – they live just around the corner from me (our back yards are joined). I had to go check it out. Kevin O. & I decided to ride along!
That’s how it started….

We try to get “organized” rides together also, but a lot of them are very spontaneous and impromptu.

At any rate, we usually attend Riverbend Music Festival near Owatonna, MN; the ABATE Freedom Rally in Algona, IA; The Chili Feed in Ellsworth WI each year. We also have ridden in with the Patriot Guard; we have a weekly supper ride every Wednesday night to local towns. We get together ride, have a beer, eat and then ride back home! This year we’re all going to Sturgis!! We’re really excited about that!

Well, a few years ago a group of us were at the Freedom Rally in Algona and we got the sweetest campsite in the park – aptly named Paradise. That year the walk bridge across the stream was out. It was a bad winter and spring floods took out the bridge. We were okay with having to walk the ‘long way around’ to get to the bandstand, vendors and food – but, Paradise is so sweet it was worth it. I bet we all said “the bridge is out” a million times each when people camping around Paradise were coming to take the shortcut across the bridge.

Anyhoo….one night while we were trying to catch some much needed sleep - it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 2a.m. – a couple who were camping just across the stream from us were just arriving back at their tent. They were being EXTREMELY LOUD.

A few of the people camping with my group (including myself) have now become awakened…

This guy was screaming at his wife to make him breakfast and she was adamant and EXTREMELY LOUDLY explaining that she wasn’t going to cook for him at this time of day (or night – however you look at it!).

A couple more people from our camp are now out of their tents…

This guy now is telling his wife that he was going to cut off her biker nipples – and she loudly dared him to do so…again, this is all being shouted in EXTREMELY LOUD voices.

Well, by this time everyone in our camp has been awakened – and were not terribly happy about it – and were forming an ‘angry mob’ on our side of the stream. Listening in at this EXTREMELY LOUD couple’s conversation.

This guy tells his wife that she was his cavewoman and she needed to provide him with food, she then called him a Fuck-Tard and told him to shut up.

Okay…Now the ‘angry mob’ are actually awake…it is a good thing there was a flood – and that bridge is out!!
But, what…..this fight between the cavewoman and her Fuck-Tard (we assumed she was blending two other words into one shorter one – use your imagination) – has become entertaining….

It wasn’t long and the two of them became QUIET. Not sure if they collapsed from exhaustion from the argument, passed out from the (clearly) large amount of alcohol they’d consumed or starved to death because they DIDN’T get breakfast just then…

But it was quite now…so we all retreat – to get back to that much needed sleep we needed.


A few hours later….

Steve is making coffee.
Stan has to go pee.
Shirley & Michelle S need a smoke.
Michelle G needs a coke.
Kevin O. needs a cup of fresh brewed.
Curt’s up.
I come out of the tent craving a glass of milk…I know – it’s weird…
Kevin K is on his third beer…

Someone has made breakfast – man we eat good at these campouts!!
We all have our coffee (and my milk), eat breakfast and have a LOT of conversation – much of which is about our ‘new friends’ from last night….the cavewoman and her Fuck-Tard….
We decide what the morning plans are and ….. saddle up for a ride.
We take a day tour, usually end up at a Harley Davidson dealership, stop at some cantina for lunch (or in Kevin K’s case – a beer – okay, we can’t let him drink alone), finally we come through Algona, stop for some supplies (beer & ice) and ride back to Paradise.

Now, we’ve got some time before the entertainment, music & naked biker parade (yes, naked biker parade – bring your beads) to start, so what do we do?
Obviously….we gather our lawn chairs and sit along the bank of the stream. Guess who is still sleeping – Yeah, weird …. at 2p.m. – now it’s OUR TURN.

Man, we were LOUD – EXTREMELY LOUD…
Poking fun at the cavewoman - who was just maybe missing a nipple (ouch) and her hungry Fuck-Tard…
We must have said the word Fuck-Tard a million times that afternoon and after each time we would laugh.
We must have said the word Fuck-Tard a million times that night and again, each time we would laugh.
We laughed until our sides hurt.
We laughed until our cheeks hurt.
We laughed until we cried.
Ahem….That couple never did come out of their tent – that WHOLE day….

It was that wonderful campout at Algona that we realized that we all were Fuktards!!
Everybody is one – they just don’t know it yet!

One drunk night some time later we came up with our meaning (the acronym) and life was breathed into the Fuktards.
I have some of the greatest friends in the world – I can’t wait for you to meet them all!!

Until next time….
Carol